I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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