ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
