I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
