I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
