a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
