you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
