So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
