Just fell off a train. Bad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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