Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
