atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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