My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
