I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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