my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
