I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Congratulations! We have a period
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