actually, I'm a sock model
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
