his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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