so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
