She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
