During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
