i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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