So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
