Is it because I queefed?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
