dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you had me at cake vodka
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
