Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
