I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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