i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
