Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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