booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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