Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
