before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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