i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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