i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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