If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I understand Curling. That high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
