My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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