Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
