you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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