Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
