You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
