I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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