His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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