I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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