Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
