my vag is so smooth its legendary
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
