47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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