she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
