i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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