he fucked my hip out of place.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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