Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
