I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
