I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
