I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
