so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i came on her dog
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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