You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
