Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
